Archive for the ‘Beef’ Category

Benzino 12 Months Late On Horse Payments

January 10, 2008

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First Weezy, now Benzino. Seems Zino opened his mouth before peepin’ My Name Is Earl. Recently, Benzino gave an interview in which he dissed Elliot Wilson of XXL and had a few things to say about his recent firing as editor in chief of the magazine:

BENZINO:

“Karma is a muthafucka!!!…The little bitch should have been let go years ago if you ask me… When I heard about this I thought it was beautiful…He (Elliot Wilson) doesn’t represent Hip Hop or the culture anyway. XXL and all the editors over there are just a copy cat of The Source and now them, Source and Vibe are feeling the fucking pinch….Now Yellow Nigga can go get a job sucking fucking Jimmy Iovine since that’s what he was doing anyway…G Unit is over and so is Elliot. If I see him in the streets I’ma put a foot in his ass.. I’ma do that for Hip Hop…”

Seems karma is a muthafucka, as word has been spreading in the streets and horse farms about Benzino’s financial problems. If you happen to recall a past Allhiphop.com article, Benzino discussed riding back into the Source offices on a horse. Unfortunately for him, horse trainer David Mucci recently stated the great Benzino has fallen behind on maintanence costs for his horse, Butternuts. Numerous attempts by Mucci to get in contact with Zino through phone and his Hip Hop Weekly email addy to provide for his Butternuts have gone unanswered.

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Quite shocking considering Benzino’s well documented horse-love. Read the excerpts below and try and argue that Benzino is not the ultimate horse lover:

AllHipHop.com: Cool.

Benzino: Those cheap mother fuckers [former Source employees]. They always been clowns from day one, man. They always been guys that never could be accepted so like this is like their revenge right here. Watching me and Dave in the newspaper getting ousted in The Source.But, guess what, I’m coming back, yo. I’m coming back and I might come back on a fucking horse.

AllHipHop.com: Yeah, I hear you, so you think, you are in the process of getting The Source back or trying to get it back or —

Benzino: I’m coming back in on a fucking horse. Let me tell you something. I got lawyers so good that Jeff and Jeremy will be doing magazines in Alaska.

AllHipHop.com: Okay, okay. Well, that’s about it. Anything else or is that about it?

Benzino: Benzino the Great. I’m coming in a fucking horse.

AllHipHop.com: If by chance, you and Dave are not able to gain control of The Source what will you do?

Benzino: Son, you’re not listening to me. You’re not listening to me, man. I’m coming back on a fucking horse, man.

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I thought Benzino was coming to pick me up?

Musharraf reps Duck Down

January 7, 2008

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Well, sort of.

RAWALPINDI, Pakistan (CNN) — Former Pakistani Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto’s assassination was her own fault, the country’s president, Pervez Musharraf, said in an interview on U.S. television.

“For standing up outside the car, I think it was she to blame alone — nobody else. Responsibility is hers,” the former general told CBS’ “60 Minutes” on Sunday.

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Duck down for life! Gotta agree with Musharraf here. If you know that people are tryin’ to merk ya, it may be in your best interest not to act like you are in a Thanksgiving parade.  Does anyone disagree with his comments?  Sure, it ain’t her fault that people killed her but she sure didn’t make it that difficult for em. If a bunch of fucking extremists  would love nothing better than to blow me into a billion bits and pump me full of hot lead the last thing I would be doing is giving them a clear target. My time would be spent having some scientists figure out how to invent the stuff that laces Wolverine’s skeleton and throw it on my car.  Buckshot needs to figure out a way to have Duck Down do the soundtrack for the upcoming biopic.

Perfect?

December 30, 2007

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The fucking man (if you can even call him that) endorses Stetson cologne. This is the real reason Brady’s bastard child does not bear his name. That chick from Lord of War showed his ass. So the Pats just went 16-0  after Eli (did he get all the shitty DNA like Danny in Twins?) and the Giants choked hardcore. Now we get to enjoy everyone swinging off Tom Brady and company’s nuts for the next 25 years until another NFL team reaches regular season perfection. Count me out of this fucking slob fest, please.

Nothing would make happier right now than for the Pats to lose in the playoffs. I will also take Brady and Randy Moss coming down with some sort of contagious disease. Not deadly, mind you. Ok, deadly. If that can’t happen then please let Peyton Manning ride his Colts (I realize my Steelers are not up to the task) all over Rodney Harrison’s HGH inflated dome, Teddy Bruschi’s defective heart, and Belichick’s cheating ass. Sorry, but 15 wins after you cheated does not really erase the fact that you cheated. You knew the rules and threw up that spy game shit regardless. Beating opponents by forty or fifty points doesn’t Total Recall my fucking brain.

For all the fucking grief that Barry Bonds gets over his supposed cheating, how the fuck do these guys get away with this shit? Heh, I think you know the answer. Football players can take whatever they want, Belichick can shove a spy camera up Mangini’s ass and nobody bats an eye.

Note: The Pats need to send a fucking case of champagne to the Ravens coaching staff. Remember that timeout they called after the Ravens had stopped them on 4th down? Shit saved the team you love to hate from being 15-1.

Have I Been Gone That Long?

October 10, 2007

I have been gone a long time studying with my acting coach in an attempt to land the part of Biggie in the upcoming biopic. Part of me thinks it won’t work out. Anyway….

Since when did Tek from Smif N Wessun (their new song is hot) look like Mike Tyson when he forgets to take his fucking mood stabilizers:

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Lupe was exposed for being a non Tribe fan. No, he doesn’t like them at all. Had he said all their post Midnight Marauders material was doo doo, I would have let that shit slide. Don’t you get sent to Siberia for such a ridiculous statement?

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Prodigy is going to go away for a gun? For goodness’ sake, why? Why carry a weapon that could get you imprisoned if you never plan on using it?

Prodigy:Yo, I got this motherfucking bazooka, son.
Man walks up to Prodigy, punches him in his face and takes his chain. His boys chase him but are unable to reach him.
Prodigy’s Friend: Hit that motherfucker with the bazooka, yo!
Prodigy: Nahhhh, I really don’t feel like busting off my bazooka today. Maybe next time.

Shit, just let people punch you in the face and suck it up.

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Yo, do my muscles look big like this?

50 Cent Renames M.O.P.

July 17, 2007

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From the recent XXL interview with 50:

Is it true you were offering them a G for every pound they lost?
Yeah, M.O.P., they just ain’t after the same thing. They are a great group. They got music I’d love to put out. I’m just not going to bet on a horse that got three legs in this climate. It won’t win a race.

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3 legged horse? Since when did the rap game turn into the Triple Crown? This ain’t the Belmont, muthafucka. 50 is so off his rocker he actually dared to compare the legendary M.O.P. to fucking Barbaro. What is next? Will he soon compare Mobb Deep to one of Michael Vick’s dead pit bulls? Ok, so that wouldn’t be toooo far of a stretch.

M.O.P. needs to get out of their deal and jump ship ASAP.  Sure they are living the good life rolling with 50 (that BMI gots to be up there), but they essentially being held in music purgatory and are now being disrespected by the main man in charge. If my boss ever compares me to a disabled animal I think I will have to mash out without a posse.

Dear Premo,

Please rescue M.O.P. and  give them lots of dope tracks. Then put their album out.

Thanks!

50 Is The Hip-Hop Andy Kaufman

April 11, 2007

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Can’t you see the resemblance?

GET BANNED

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While I can’t claim to be the biggest fan of Mr. Curtis Jackson, I do have to laugh at his recent efforts to increase his publicity. What is 50’s motto? If you can’t beat them, join them. After the recent Tony Yayo smacking a 1st grader incident, you had the usual spotlight vultures calling for 50 to be banished to Siberia while they throw Get Rich Or Die Tryin’ and The Massacre into a pile, douse it with gasoline and cook some smores. Does 50 get upset? Hell no! He registers the website ban50cent.com.

There is no such thing as bad publicity. One of my heroes,Mr. Andy Kaufman, knew this. He wrestled women, tested peoples’ patience, and created a character, Tony Clifton, whose sole purpose was to instigate and get a negative reaction. Kaufman himself was actually banned from the show SNL after viewers were allowed to call in and vote on his fate. According to the website The Life and Times of Andy Kaufman, the real story is such:

During the previous week Andy had been cut from the show. He and Dick Ebersol engaged in a loud, nasty argument in the hallway outside of Studio 8H. At the beginning of the next show (November 20, 1982), Ebersol personally came on stage to announce that viewers would be able to vote to decide if Andy Kaufman should be forever banned from SNL. Many of the cast and crew were divided over whether Kaufman was being treated terribly or just getting what he deserved. The phone-in vote and Kaufman’s lifetime ban were all conceived by Andy who pitched the idea to Ebersol weeks prior to the hoax. Andy spent the week worrying over how the vote would go, but when he lost, kept his word and never returned to SNL again.

50 needs to take it a step further and follow Kaufman’s lead. Pitch a special to a network where viewers call in a number which charges 1 dollar a text and vote on 50 being banned from hip-hop forever. If he wins, he continues rapping. If he loses, he leaves hip-hop be and continues to pitch vitamin water, sneakers and movies. If 50 can get as many voters as Kaufman then perhaps he can put some of that money back in his wallet that he lost on Mobb Deep and the rest of his G-Unit crew.

INSANE INFLUENCES
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Many fans were and perhaps still are oblivious to the fact that Curtis Jackson was not the first to carry the moniker 50 Cent and pretty much pulled a MC Gusto. Curtis took his name from the infamous nutcase Kelvin Martin aka 50 Cent from Brooklyn, who would have stuck up his own grandmother if she had more than a pocket full of silver. Curtis liked the fact that 50 Cent ran around putting fear into everyone’s hearts until he got his ass killed. 50 stated, ” I took the name 50 Cent because it says everything I want it to say. I’m the same kind of person 50 Cent was. I provide for myself by any means.”

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According to Bob Zmuda, the main inspiration for the character of Tony Clifton came from another loon who was simply referred to as Mr. X in Zmuda’s book “Andy Kaufman Revealed.” Mr. X was later revealed to be the famous screenwriter Norman Wexler who penned Saturday Night Fever and one of my all time faves, Serpico. Zmuda described working as an assistant for the psychotic Mr. X who despite not sticking up drug dealers a la Kelvin Martin, did randomly harass people on the street and subject them to humiliating situations. One excerpt from the book described Wexler as being so gone that he took a dump in clear view of others in an airport. When cats would get upset Mr. X would simply tell Zmuda to break out the briefcase of cash that they rolled with. According to Zmuda, Mr. X played a large part in the formation of the Tony Clifton character and his obnoxious personality.

KINGS OF BEEF

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Andy Kaufman was the king of beef in his day. He was so gully that he had beef with himself! Tony Clifton constantly would rave that Kaufman was a thief and threaten to sue Andy for living off his fame. Andy twisted the ladies into pretzels, dissed the South before Ghostface made it trendy, got into the ring with Jerry Lawler and even created a fake beef that resulted in him getting bitchslapped on the David Letterman show. Talk about dedication! Rather than make audiences laugh at predictable BS he chose to antagonize them and push them to the limit. There was no “keeping it real” with Kaufman because reality was lost on the audience during his elaborate displays and maybe even lost on Kaufman himself.

50 Cent has had beef with everyone and their mother. Nas, Ja Rule The Game, Fat Joe, Jadakiss, AZ, and Cam’ron can all say they have felt the wrath of 50’s disses, which he tends to throw out without any real reason. Does 50 really have an issue with everyone he talks about or is it simply an elaborate hoax designed to sell more records and create a buzz amongst fans. Curtis has yet to get piledrived by Jerry Lawler, but this is simply because he is a bit more image focused than Kaufman. The Ban50Cent movement has me hoping that 50’s sense of humor will continue to emerge and he will hone it like a Jedi. In the recent video “Hold On” 50 dissed Cam’ron in a monologue that rivaled some of Kaufman’s videos which demeaned and poked fun at Lawler. In my opinion, 50 doesn’t even really need to rap anymore because his rant at the end of Young Buck’s video is some funny shit and shows that he could have a future in stand up comedy. I can see Curtis on stage now talking about your favorite rapper and their girl.

Pittsburgh Brawlin’

March 19, 2007

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Well, not really. Joey Porter was released by the Pittsburgh Steelers recently, and although reports have him claiming he will be a Steeler forever, his paychecks have the Miami Dolphins logo on them. This is good for Joey because he is guaranteed a shitload of money that he doesn’t really deserve, but is also bad for Joey because the number of rings on his fingers will remain at one. At least we know he will finish with more than Danny Marino. Thanks to his recent antics in Las Vegas Joey Porter could possibly be seen shoutin’ out on a hip-hop track soon a la Mike Tyson on “2nd Round KO.”

Joey punched Bengal’s tackle Levi Jones in the face and left him dripping blood up in the Las Vegas club. Moral of the story- don’t leave your miniature horse around Joey and don’t talk ish to him at the blackjack table. You will get the bizness. It seems that Cinci Bengals are excellent at smoking weed and bangin’ underage girls, but pretty garbage when it comes to the brawlin’.

Penguins are the best brawlers-