The White Rapper Show Season Finale

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The White Rapper Show Season Finale is almost upon us. My money is on Shamrock….

The White Rapper Show Season Finale (click the links below to listen to Shamrock & John Brown’s theme songs)

Shamrock Bites Goodie Mob All The Way To Victory
or
The Fall of John Brown

Well, I was right. Shamrock took the title. Let me rewind a bit.

Shamrock and John Brown began the episode discussing who they are missing. JB missed nobody because he is just that cold and Sham stated that Sullee was like his little brother. Uhhh, ok. The two then moved on to the topic of Jus Rhyme. The verdict- Jus Rhyme is wack. No shit, Sherlock.

John Brown gave some good one liners throughout the episode, but it is fairly obvious that Ego Trip had a hard time filling an hour with the material at hand. The crew got haircuts and discussed how they were feeling with a barber. Why do I want to watch this again? Boring. JB stated that Shamrock was a glossy eyed MC and was going to get raped by the industry. I have yet to hear any actual discussion by John Brown about how he is prepared to handle the music industry and avoid being raped.

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Serch then introduced Tango & Cash to Fat Joe. While looking at the screen I noticed that Fat Joe and MC Serch were about the same size. New super duo? Slow metabolism is a motherfucker,yo. Somebody hook these guys up before they die of a heart attack. RIP, Pun. Fat Joe explained to the glossy eyed MC’s what MC meant and gave them some motivation for their next obstacle- Rucker.

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As the group approached Rucker park for a halftime performance I kept looking to see if I could catch Jim Jones getting his ass kicked or Cam running away, but no dice. A whole bunch of shit went wrong for Shamrock- his mic died and his grill fell out. Talk about some busted shit. John Brown shook like a fucking leaf and could have possibly defecated on himself. Hallelujah, holla back. I swore that I saw Treach in a wig up in the stands doing that move from Naughty By Nature’s old videos. You know, that shit where he swung his arms up and down like a robot. Anyway, JB & Sham didn’t totally bomb and the crowd obviously was the kind who thought Norbit should have won Best Picture.

After they returned to The White House, Serch brought out a friend of John Brown and a friend of Shamrock. It seems that VH1 wanted to bring a bunch more, but apparently these guys only have one friend. As soon as John Brown’s friend walked in the door his jaw dropped. Can you say Amaechi? This guy’s name was Blaise Delacroix III and if Tim Hardaway was in the building his life would have been over. Who knew there were so many flamboyant homosexuals in the burbs? JB basically dogged his friend gay lover and didn’t even properly introduce him to Serch. Funnnnny. Blaise told Serch he was a member of teh San Francisco Gay Crips. They don’t do drive-by shootings, they do walk-by fruitings. Hallelujah, holla back. Shamrock hugged his big, black friend and they made smiley faces together. Thank goodness they spared us the oil rubdown.

The guys had to say goodbye to their friends and commence work on their next challenge. Their objective was to write a 16 and a full song. As soon as John Brown opened his mouth, I knew for sure that Shamrock was the winner. John Brown’s song was called “Car Wars.” What the fuck? Is this some Transformers suburbs shit? You got the touch! You got the power! I know they are more than meets the eye, but damn JB.

“Shamrock would never make a song like ‘Car Wars.’ He doesn’t think like that,” John Brown proclaimed.

John Brown was right. Shamrock decided against making “Big Wheel Wars,” and instead chose to create “Fly Away.” He explained that the haters needed to fly away and he was inspired by his trip to Detroit where he froze like Bobby Drake and choked like Scott Norwood. Problem is, I have already heard the song “Fly Away” once on Goodie Mob’s second album, Still Standing. A group from the same town as Shamrock! Quite a coincidence that Shamrock had the same concept for his song. Biter? Hmmmmm.

The group made their way to the final showdown and we got a glimpse of Ego Trip’s concept for the last battle… Hell. Who was rhyming? RA The Rugged Man! I was hoping he would bust out his verse from “Uncommon Valor” and the show would end. Oh well. Serch came out looking like he forgot to bring his prom date and informed the crowd that these white rappers went through hell. The White Rapper Show wasn’t Dante’s Inferno, Serch. I hate to be the one to tell you that. I think The King Of The Burbz would prob fall under the fourth circle of Hell.

After they revealed the crowd I was left scratching my head several times. Where the fuck did they get these people? These are hip-hop fans? Some of the blacks in the audience (there weren’t many) looked like they bought tickets for a Fishbone concert and got lost.  The judges were Dante Ross, Clinton Sparks, and Prince Paul. It would have been nice to see a larger circle of judges, although it truly means nothing cause Serch and company made the decisions they wanted throughout the season and never really took the guests’ opinions into consideration.

John Brown kicked his little 16 and swayed back and forth. I swear I heard Bic Runga in the background, but I was just having flashbacks to walking through the mall the other day. What was JB saying? Who knows. Was it anything important? No, not really. Sham then launched into his 16 and had much more energy and charisma than JB. Even if you don’t like his style or flow, it only takes about 3 seconds to determine who the better performer is.

Brown then let loose his modern day epic, “Car Wars,” a gritty and honest diatribe that deals with the exploitation that is needed to fuel the SUVs of the suburbs. What? Are you serious? The hook was lame as hell and I actually felt parts of my body tighten and twitch during his performance. Not in a good way either. How can you be so stupid and spout off meaningless catch phrases and then try to drop something that means something in the final battle? Dummy.

Shamrock then kicked the Goodie Mob homage ripoff “Fly Away.” It was evident who the judges preferrred right off the bat. Prince Paul seemed to have a soft spot for Shamrock and recognized that amongst all the flunkies he could actually turn into something. Despite the lack of original content, Shamrock delivered it in a way that connected with the crowd. During the deliberations, Prince Paul made a comment about hearing the song before,etc. It seems his memory isn’t as good as mine or else I may be writing about John Brown being the winner. If Shamrock did a song called “Lean Back,” which also bit the hook to “Lean Back” it would have instantly been caught by the judges. Good thing for Sham that NYC hates on the south.

After a few tense moments, Serch handed the trophy to the champion- Shamrock. Sham talked about how he was going to give the majority of his money away and that the music thing would fall into place. Praise the lawd! Hallelujah, holla back!

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34 Responses to “The White Rapper Show Season Finale”

  1. EdBoy Says:

    You were right. 😀

  2. T Ryan Says:

    Hah! Norbit! That’s a slayer.

    One comment about you’re writing: you’ve got the whole strikeout thing backwards. You gotta strikeout the sarcastic comment and replace it with the tame version.

    Cheers.

  3. T Ryan Says:

    And look at me. your not you’re. Pay no attention to me.

  4. hugochavez hollaback Says:

    haha, “modern day epic.” yeah, i was blown away that john brown, whose main (only?) talent seemed to be to write a dumb, catchy hook would think it was a good idea to drop a thinkpiece with the non-chorus “car wars. car wars. car wars” at a club for the fucking finale of all things. this whole episode was so anticlimactic. wtf@$hamrock trying this over-the-top time-shifting flow, he sounded like he drank too many red bulls backstage

  5. hugochavez hollaback Says:

    though i do think shamrock was intentionally quoting atl classics. like, for example, he said “aint no thang but a chicken wing,” as in, from southernplayalistic….can’t remember what else, there was a couple more. though he did, in the talk-to-the-camera clips, act like he had the brilliant idea to tell his haters to fly away in his song as if he just thought of it. who knows. pretty unspectacular either way.

  6. Joe Grossberg Says:

    Man it was hard for me to come around when $hamrock admitted that he doesn’t freestyle, in the previous episode.

  7. justmisseditq Says:

    Yo, I appreciate the run down cause I missed it last night, you just saved me an hour of my life.

  8. Colonel K Says:

    i dunno, i was feelin’ john brown’s “car wars.” but i think he needs to work on his breath control. my man sounds like he’s about to pass out when he’s on the mic. if you’re ghostface killah and you’ve been doin’ it since back in the day, it’s alright. but you’re straining, you’ll be worn out real fast.

    either way, i do see the judges’ point. shamrock improved a lot during the course of the show. he displayed a lot of promise. but his voice….and he needs to slow down. maybe if someone did a screwed and chopped version of his song, we could actually understand what the hell he’s saying.

    ghetto revival!

  9. hater Says:

    During the finale, I knew Shamrock would win, the judges are all about what will sell records. Even that worm on the end said “being a lyricist doesn’t mean anything.” John Brown has more intelligence and a decent flow, but Shamrock put on a better show, so he won it. I bet both will get some sort of record deal.

  10. Brian Seanor Says:

    That “worm on the end” was Dante Ross, former Elektra A&R that discovered and subsequently mismarketed both Del and KMD (aka MF Doom) and was part of the wack production crew known as the SD50’s. It became a running joke in late 80’s hip-hop to diss him (he got the last Gas Face, and De La’s first one has a random “Dante is a scrub” at the end of one of the skits). kind of weird to hear someone who discovered so many great acts saying that.

    Honestly, I was pretty impressed (relatively speaking of COURSE) with “Car Wars” – yes, the hook and title were terrible and it wasn’t exactly the right time to drop that but that was the first time throughout the entire course of the show that anyone showed me that they could construct a decent 4 bars at any point. pretty sad. I came around on John Brown by the end – I almost feel as if he was just playing into the joke of the show and embodying the charicature of the marginally talented yet misguided white guy (as opposed to the completely untalented and clueless white guy, Jus Rhyme). At no point did he say anything other than what he was trying to do – play the game to win the money. nothing wrong with that. and I lost a lot of respect for Shamrock after his freesyle blanking. I mean, to go up and not say ANYTHING? I’ve blanked while freestyling a million times and will at least come up with some filler until I get it back.

  11. screwface Says:

    I hated on John Brown thru out the whole season, but maybe his jam car wars was over most of your heads. When his performance was over I was impressed and my mind changed right away. Very deep jam, and thats the kinda art hip hop is missing today. Maybe he woulda won if he kept it on bitches,blunts, and bling.

  12. Car Wars(The Post-apocalyptic Role Playing Game) Says:

    I swear this show is backwards..i like it, but several times in the show they screwed themselves. Going to Detroit and having THE CARDI BOYS?? WHO?

    The Episode where they made the videos, Serch crucified the team for “falling into the hip hop trap” but yet they kept the clip of Dante Ross saying “being a lyricist doesn’t matter” it just seems like one episode would “make a point” and the next episode would throw it out the window.

    Another good example is when(i cant remember the episode) Serch yelled at a team for cursing too much but it was forgotten for the rest of the show.

    Now to the final episode, I knew $ham would win when John Brown decided to make a song about STEALING SHIT and tried to talk like it had never been done before.

    Anyone to tries to act like John Brown could’ve been a savior to rap is fooling themselves. He is as likely to be “raped” by the industry as any of the other people on the show.

  13. hugochavez hollaback Says:

    haha i assure you that “cars wars” wasn’t over my head! i am aware that oil is used to fuel cars as well as wars. hearing that info shallowly repeated in a boring song rapped in the style of a retarded, overcaffienated pac didn’t exactly fill me up with political insight. i don’t who is looking for such insight in a fucking song; i mean, read a magazine or journal ffs; like i don’t need or want a 3 minute song to help me decide what to do about iran or some shit. that vietnam song mentioned in the entry is a good example of how a rap song can be deep and poltical but in a literary way rather than a constant stream of lame obvious facts & slogans like “car wars”

  14. 2020proof Says:

    “but maybe his jam car wars was over most of your heads”

    i totally got what he was trying to say, i just felt what he said was wack. the hook was lame and it wasn’t designed to rock an audience. a message does not equal a dope song, which is why many conscious rappers can now be found proclaiming “clean up on aisle 12.”

  15. hugochavez hollaback Says:

    like, you can listen to a song “bitches blunts” whatever song and think or write about the political implications of the song if you’re so inclined and get just as much insight out of it. you just got do your own legwork in a way; i just completely don’t get why ppl need their political views all spelled out and bite-sized in the song-based equivalent of a bumper sticker.

  16. hugochavez hollaback Says:

    so deep, i said it twice, hypnotizing you ghetto revival style

  17. hugochavez hollaback Says:

    in other words, 2020proof’s less garbled analysis on the mark

  18. ill trooper Says:

    $hamrock did really well, but I still think John Brown killed him on
    a lyrical angle, although that was an odd move to write such a lyric-
    heavy song (“Car Wars”) that was essentially a ‘listening/album
    track’ sort of thing, certainly no ‘She A Stunna’ or ‘Smoke In The
    Club!’ What was he thinking? The crowd was bored! Even if he had just
    used one that ‘Hallelujah, Hollaback’ hook that he was rocking at the
    Rucker!

    But t the end of the day, the only one that’s created any sort of
    original legacy or established a quotable phrase was John Brown;
    everybody who’s watched the show has inadvertently blurted ‘Ghetto
    Revival,’ ‘King of the ‘Burbs,’ and of course, ‘Hallelujah,
    Hollaback!’ AT LEAST once.

    Broke my heart to hear Dante Ross, the man that signed/A&R’d De La Soul, C.L. Smooth, Brand Nubian, KMD, etc., say “lyrics don’t really matter anymore,” but he’s a smart guy, not stuck in the past, and he’s right.

    I’m not disappointed with the results, but I’m bummed I don’t get to
    see anymore of what’s going on with John Brown, $hamrock, and of
    course, AR-15’s Jus-Rhyme! (“Blaow! Blaow! Blaow!”)

    IT’S NOT A GAME PEOPLE!

    Wellllll… it sorta was!

  19. sakkara115 Says:

    i actually decided to waste some time and go on the vh1 website to check out some of the “extras” on the white rapper show. it’s mostly serch and 5 old guys who make up ego trip talk about the show. it was surprisingly interesting commentary. the whole premise of the show is satirical, of course, but to hear these guys break down the show on the use of “nigga”, and john brown’s personality (he made that comment about clear channel on purpose) was truly interesting.

  20. Dante Ross Says:

    Ok I’m gonna defend myself here,shit was taken out of context of course due to editing and all that but the point I was making was being lyrical is no longer important in the rap game and honestly it doesnt. I’m a big fan of lyricists obvisouly you boneheads but barring a few exceptions most hit songs have nothing to do with being lyrical hence lean back,every snap song ever made,most houston rappers and 90 percent of everybody else making records. Look keep it real I know rappers like dam near nobody I been doing this shit for years message to Brian Seanor watch your mouth son I may not be the greatest cat to ever produce records but I made a bunch of gems with Puba,3rd Bass,Del,Casual,H2O,Everlast and a host of other. Cat I got Grammys,plaques, I own houses and still make RECORDS unlike you who never did shit but hate! I ask what the fuck have you ever done to equate my career on any level. Like they say those that cant do often pop shit online so welcome to the shit popping squad vermin just what the world needs another no it all that dont know shit.
    In a seperate note both them cats lost come on I seen better arguments,I signed some of the ost timeless acts ever like Busta and MF Doom so when your not busy keeping it oh so real think about it lyrics dont mean shit look at Lil Jon and all them other cats making hits before you react. I aint stuck in the past yeah would I rather hear Rakim instead of Chamillionaire but Ra aint on the charts right now is he? Take heed and show respect Brian grown men are speaking here,take heed I been here for years where u been with your boy John Brown in the Burbs rocking out like kings? Cornballs……….

  21. Dante Ross Says:

    Ok I’m gonna defend myself here,shit was taken out of context of course due to editing and all that but the point I was making was being lyrical is no longer important in the rap game and honestly it isnt sorry guys guess you didnt get the memo. I’m a big fan of lyricists obvisouly you boneheads, but barring a few exceptions most hit songs have nothing to do with being lyrical hence songs like lean back, every snap song ever made, most houston rappers barring Devina and Scarface and 90 percent of everybody else making hit records these days. Look keep it real I know rappers like dam near nobody, I been doing this shit for years message to Brian Seanor watch your mouth son I may not be the greatest cat to ever produce records but I made a bunch of gems with Puba,3rd Bass,Del,Casual,H2O,Everlast and a host of other. Cat I got Grammys, plaques, I own houses and still make RECORDS with people like Santana and Anthony hamilton these days unlike you who never did shit but hate! I ask what the have you ever done to equate my career on any level SD50’s wak nah never that ya turd burgler. Like they say those that cant do often pop shit online so welcome to the shit popping squad vermin just what the world needs another kwno it all that dont know shit. God I just love blogers there so cool! So glad the internet gives toys like you a voice talk about leveling the playing field real talk.
    In a seperate note both them cats lost, come on I seen better arguments,I signed some of the most timeless acts ever like Busta, ODB and MF Doom so when your not busy keeping it oh so real think about it lyrics dont mean shit look at Lil Jon,The Black Eyed Peas and all them other cats making hits before you react ya little dickrider. I aint stuck in the past and yeah would I rather hear Rakim instead of Chamillionaire but Ra aint on the charts right now is he? Take heed and show respect Brian and the peanut gallery a grown msn is speaking here, take heed I been here for years educating the 85ers, where u been with your boy John Brown in the Burbs fronting like kings?
    Cornballs……….

  22. miranda Says:

    that’s explains alot, all season I thought John Brown was the self proclaimed “king of the turdz”

  23. 2020proof Says:

    dante (if it is actually you bc it looks like your keyboard has some probs-ya linked the mag wrong as well)
    why get bent out of shape if someone says your production was wack? brian writes for the mag and puts his opinions out in print as well as on this blog. he is not simply someone going through blogs and leaving random critical comments. when you put something out for public consumption you gotta expect people are going to like, dislike, or both.
    since you are saying your comments were taken out of context because of editing, i would be interested in hearing what the full comments were,etc. you had to have known when it was simply “lyrics don’t really matter anymore” that you were going to catch some flack. feel free to hit me up @ webmaster @ 2020proof.net i have no prob doing a post about everything.

  24. tiara Says:

    Well Dante, I have much respect for you and the entertainment you have delivered to us in the past. I am a part of the true genre of hip-hop music. But to state that lyrics don’t matter, is the mentality that is destroying the heart of true hip-hop and it’s fans. I believe lyrics matter, as well as good production. I believe your artists in the past were defeated by bad production, not good lyrics. Throughout “The White Rapper Show” Serch stated how he wanted to maintain the true essence of hip-hop, yet by the end, he sold out and went for what would sell.(or hardly sell in this matter) Because of this, we ended up with Shamrock, who could barely speak let alone rhyme. He couldn’t even keep his damn grill in. John Brown was raped. He was catchy, and he spoke about the business for what it was. He labeled himself an entity. This is soo true. He was also one of the few headliners on the show, who knew how to bite the tongue when necessary. There were many days he could have blown up, never once did I see him even raise his voice. Discipline is the key to success. The story will tell itself when Samrock appears and sells almost nada. A true rapper KNOWS the importance of freestyling in rap. Then again, how would Serch know, He only had 1 album that really sold. Much respect to Professor X and the X-Clan for putting Serch(I refuse to label MC) on blasts years ago. I’m sure you youngins wishing on a Shamrock know nothing about that.

  25. Dante Ross Says:

    It’s me and my comp is fine. Brians a cornball and an example of the internet giving uninformed idiots a place to express themselves. All good go make a hit song,get a book published or actually get paid to write for a quality oublication but whatever you do keep my name and your misinformed opinon out of your mouth.

  26. 2020proof Says:

    I have to disagree with you. How is his opinion uninformed? If Brian thinks your production was wack, then he simply thinks your shit was wack. I didn’t see anything in his comments that was uninformed. He has the information. If you are going to go on reality shows in the future you should expect people havin somethin to say. Your real issue should be with the editing because if people are simply hearin you talk about “lyrics don’t matter” they are going to take issue with it. Nobody watching cut the rest of your explanation out, the creators of the show did.

  27. GhettoRevival Says:

    They just gave it to Shamrock because they didn’t want a gay boy to win. The second the great Blaise Delacroix III entered the picture John Brown was done.

  28. Brian Seanor Says:

    OK – even though there’s obviously no way to tell who’s who on here, I’ll play along…

    First of all Dante, I don’t see what about my post pissed you off so much. The “worm” thing was a quote from another guy’s post. As for the Elektra stuff – I agree (and pointed out) that you discovered some timeless artists, but come on man, I think it’s pretty obvious that most of those cats, especially Doom and Del, got their name out there well after their Elektra time. Perhaps explaining that might be a good way for a “grown man” to defend himself instead of telling me you “own houses”. As far as SD50’s, I was kind of kidding but I don’t see why my opinion should bother you a whole hell of a lot, but hey, it’s your self-esteem man.

    As far as the “lyrics don’t matter” comment – all I said is that it was weird hearing that, and yeah, it kind of was. But I have no issue with it, I mean, like you said, it’s a fact these days – lyrics don’t sell. What I don’t understand though is this…if the point was just to find who can make a hit record then what the fuck was the point of the show and putting the constestants in all of these “hip-hop” situations? Because you know what means even less than lyrics these days when it comes to marketability? Street cred, and “staying true to the culture.” I thought the whole point of this show was to find somebody who was credible by those standards. I thought Serch’s whole mission statement with this show was that there were white rappers out there that “have never rocked a black crowd” or whatever. I mean, why were the guys put through something as archaic as freestyling then? If the point was to find another goldmine for those that own grammys and houses, why not just pick the whitest one from the outset?

  29. Car Wars(The Post-apocalyptic Role Playing Game) Says:

    “Dante Ross”‘s explanation is the reason why Google Alert is bad…

  30. Dante Ross Says:

    Look new jack u got it all fucked up once again. the show is satarical in nature, I mean the Ego Trip cats wrote the thing come on guy. I only was a guest I did not invent the show but in the shows defense I think it was entertaining and created some good old fashioned racial dialouge. A word of advice I wouldnt disrespect and question some ones artistic output and production career so dismissivly espicially when your not a known creative force in any sense of the word shit is plain and simple disrespectful. I see now u have your tail between your legs but that figures since it’s apparent you have no back bone and wont stand behind your words I mean it makes sense your a cornball. By the way Search was just a host not a writer or producer on the show so his mission statement wasnt even actually his it was the Ego trippers.understand?

    As for Del and KMD/Doom getting thre name out there once again u try to discredit my acomplishments as opposed to seeing that my progressive thinking and hearing abilitys got these guys in the game,there foot in the door so to speak. By the way I still work with Del and will be working with Doom and Del on a project together reason being is they both have the utmost respect for me and recognize the fact that I helped there careers immensly.
    P.S. Stop being such a sucker.

  31. 2020proof Says:

    i have to hate on the fact you don’t have spellcheck, yo.
    if you are going to defend yourself properly you need to write better than michael clarke duncan in green mile.

  32. Brian Seanor Says:

    look man, I’m trying to reason with you and you’re still caught up in telling me how important you are. if you really need props this bad, fine – good job, champ! I did get a kick out of “progressive thinking and hearing abilitys”.

    now, about the show – I realize that it was Ego Trip’s creation…and it was my respect for the Ego Trip dudes earlier work that stopped me from naturally ignoring a show with such a stupid premise…but Serch was definitely going off online about the fakeness of white rappers and that “white rappers aren’t rappers if they haven’t rapped in front of black people” and implied that the show would put them to the test. therefore I’m sure he was hosting this show with a purpose.

    Of course I know that the show is satirical (but I appreciate you pointing it out – I mean I was thinking that winning the “thug challenge” and the dog fashion show really gave someone street cred – thanks for helping me see the light). the whole point of satire and/or social commentary is to make people laugh on one level but make a serious point on a more in-depth level. that’s definitely what ego trip’s other shit, especially the excellent racism book, was able to do – use silly shit to make a serious, important point. and if in the end you’re just taking “the guy who would sell the most records” that what’s the point of any of that shit?

  33. Dante Ross Says:

    The point is your another opinionated asshole that the internet has given one iota of empowerment to. Yet again u attempt to discredit me with Del and Dooms careers but thats cool your opinion to me is pretty worthless and seemingly you missed the shows point and my personel point that I attempted to get across to you. All good you aint worth the time I just put in typing this.

  34. 2020proof Says:

    Dante,

    Actually, we (Brian & I) have been in print way befo’ the internet. In conclusion, our opinions are not that worthless because you feel the need to respond. Please invest in spellcheck and some self esteem books.

    Peace

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